Insane sanity

Yesterday, I was challenged by my therapist... "You need to embrace your craziness."  Wait, what did she say??  Had I been transported to an alternate universe where I was stuck in an episode of Seinfeld.  Really, my therapist wants me to be crazy?!?


OK, so I'm being a little dramatic.  :-)  She was challenging me to let go of my "normal" way of approaching problems.  The hard part is that for most people, "normal" looks like the right way to do it.  But for me, "normal" just hasn't been working!  So maybe it's time to embrace a new way, one that might look "crazy" to the average American.


The conversation reminded me of something I wrote a few months ago, back when I was daydreaming about writing this blog.  I went back and found it...

Insane.  This word doesn’t conjure up warm and fuzzy images.  At first glance, I think of straight jackets, ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest’, and a very young Jack Nicholson smashing a fountain through a window to escape the asylum.

But these days, I’m rethinking my definition of sanity.  In the past, sanity = safe & secure.  Sanity = easy & comfortable.  Sanity = status quo.  Sanity = following the path of least resistance.  For me, that meant a high paying corporate job.  A large condo.  A luxury car.  Exotic vacations.  Designer shoes.

This is the point where you’re saying, damn girl, that is a pretty nice definition of sanity.  Sign me up for that!

However there are a few more words that accompany this particular definition of sanity.  Anxiety & stress.  Chasing dollars instead of dreams.  A never ending drive to be perfect.

Again, the majority of people out there are OK with these additional definitions.  You can’t get to the top without lots of hard work and sacrifice.  That’s just the way life goes.

But, this “sanity” is making me unhappy.  Deep down in the depths of my soul, I know that the chase of the American Dream isn’t working for me.  I am tired of helping "the man" chase the next dollar... I want to help people.  I am tired of office politics... my sensitive side doesn't want to work in an environment where emotions are viewed as weakness.  I am ready to get back in touch with my creative side... which has laid dormant for years and years.  I long for real connections with people... racking up more shoes and more money just leaves me feeling empty.

All of the sudden, everything that looked black now looks white.  My cushy life feels stiffling and really uncomfortable.  What the heck do you do when your world gets turned upside down like that?

Here is my solution...  I’m going to dive into the unknown.  Jump ship and swim the waters below, in search of something new.

Apparently, I already knew that crazy is the way to go!!

What I'm slowly realizing is that navigating crazy without a map is pretty daunting.  When should I quit?  How long will it take to find a roommate and part-time job to keep me afloat while I chase my dreams?  How will I ever figure out what I really want to do? 


But here is what I do know...  As I navigate the waters, I have to learn to avoid the sharks of doubt and fear.  I have to learn news ways to approach problems by throwing off my old definition of sanity.  I have to learn to bask in the warm glow of my new insane sanity.