Welcoming chaos

"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star."  - Friedrich Nietzsche

I friend sent me a card with that quote recently.  And while I understood it, I didn't really GET it at first.  However, the universe is slowly teaching me.  :-)

It's coming on 4 weeks since I "quit" and I still have no clue how things are going to shake out.

:-)  A little bit of chaos here.
I am ready to get started in a new part-time role with my company.  But now that I decided to stay, I dropped lower on their priority list and everything is in a strange limbo.  I know I'm going to work part-time, but I don't know how many hours that means.  I know it's going to be a different role, but no one is clear on what it will entail.  And I don't feel any real urgency to get answers to any of those questions.

:-)  A little bit of chaos there.
I am ready to get started on the volunteer project outside of work, but it isn't as definite as I thought.  The person who sold me on it isn't the person in charge, so when I said "I'm ready", her reaction wasn't "let's get started!!!"  It was more, "oh, um, I'll have to talk to so-and-so first and see if there is anyone else working on it".

:-)  A little bit of chaos everywhere.
You'll get a laugh out of my emotions.  You know how last week I was scared of losing my security if the part-time job didn't pan out.  Well, after it became evident that the part-time job was going to come through, I got upset about losing the potential freedom.  My emotions can't seem to make up their mind! 

But there is one thing that has been constant.  The inner knowledge that I'm doing the right thing.  I heard the voice say "make a change".  And after much worry and planning and more worry and a lot of fear, I trusted the voice and made the first step.  Now comes the chaos.  :-)

So why the smiles?  Chaos isn't fun, is it??  Here is a quote from Mastin Kipp and his blog, "The Daily Love":

See the opportunity instead of the fear; decide that you have the power to not only make the best of this situation, but to actually make a better life for yourself BECAUSE of this situation.  For your dreams to come true it's vital that you learn to be flexible enough to adapt to and make the best of change. In fact, don't just make the best of change and the unexpected, get EXCITED by it!

And when I look in my heart, that is how I feel, EXCITED!  Of course, my brain wants to react to the chaos.  That's normal.  But I want to keep my focus in my heart.  Because my heart knows what's best, it's where my dreams live.  And I have no doubt I'm heading to fertile soil... to make my dreams grow and come to life!